A life after losing a mother, is the hardest thing a one can experience you won’t be able to call her again whenever you need her, you have to accept that you can’t text or call her again. Maybe after a while you will stop crying when you talk about her which I doubt, as the sadness will still creep in.
People won’t understand your mood-swing and why the hell are you angry or aggressive in dealing with others, unfortunately its something out of your hands. There are some days where you want to shut off from the outside world just for days, to be able to breath normally again and react with people. The amount of pressure you have inside your heart will change you 360 degree, you will never be the person you were before.
Her first birthday in heaven will be hard, each ceremony or event without her is even harder, sometimes you will feel that its still fresh, that you just lost her a short time ago yet; it might have been months since you lost her. The sadness in the heart will never disappear, you will have a mixed feelings in each event that she is not there with you.
You feel like you are still angry, you are angry from everything and everyone, deep inside there are million of screams that you try hard to hide and keep it silent. You will try to pick up your pieces and rejoin life, and start going out with friends and laugh with them. But you still feel her absence you try hard to stick to the things you used to love, but you have lost interest in everything and drown into deep sadness where you can’t find a way out.
Those different moments when you search for her guidance and for her words that used to give you hope; that she is “Proud of You”, “Go on babe you are strong” “I love you my sweet daughter” those difficult moments when they across your mind you scream searching for her and hoping she can hear you. Those moments are the hardest ones.
The Loss of a dearest person changes your life on the long term, you will try to reconnect with life after losing that person but it’s a long journey to go back to the old you, and the percentage of that is almost Zero!
You will grieve in your own way and in your own time.
A life after losing a mother is the first sorrow wept without her.