words

The Green Book Part two

This-Little-Green-Book

Part Two

April 19th. 2015

10:55 PM

My name is Melike. I’m 23 years old. Green is my favorite color and purple comes second. I studied English literature because of my love for the English language and novels. I guess that’s enough for now.

I don’t know why I’m writing this but, it might be the only way I can visualize my life through some lines. Maybe, someday my story will make a difference in someone’s life and maybe not. I love writing at midnight. something calls me to write the echoed voices inside my head, words, feelings, anger, happiness, mixed feelings; the more they increase the more they keep me awake.

I don’t write daily but, I write when I feel like I want to capture a word or a sentence i don’t want to miss or forget it. I want to type it and look at it and keep re-reading it and falling for the words, trying to write with all my senses using all the skills i have. I believe that words are like diamonds, the more you take care of them and shape them the way you want, the more they will be beautiful and valuable. But each diamond has a sharp angle that you need to be careful and precise when you touch. You might get yourself hurt if you aren’t cautious.

Words are the same they can either touch your heart or break your heart. If words came put, there is no way to take them back. What comes out never comes back.

Well at least I believe in that………

Its spring time is my favorite season. After winter, the weather is still unstable; hence you can call it a beautiful weather. As I mentioned previously, I’m in my twenties a young lady, my parents still sees me as a baby girl with a diaper. Those twenty three years aren’t counted as twenty three. They tally up differently for me. I have lived a life that is similar to that of fifty years old lady, a life full of many memories good and painful ones, many experiences, and salvation.

A twenty three year old lady from the outside, a fifty year old lady from the inside, they say your age doesn’t matter. You can be seventy and feel like you are still in your thirties and that’s what keeps you alive; to feel young forever. What if you feel old? Very old.

At the age of sixteen I fell in love for the first time and it wasn’t a quite good relationship. We were so young but, it was good to feel loved by someone. That feeling you get for the first time as a teenager, you don’t know what it is. There is no accurate decription of what you feel but you feel happy and you are constantly smiling. I love to spend time with that person; experiencing new feelings that make you feel flying for the first time. However, that relationship didn’t count, as I said we were so young we just wanted to experience new things.

When someone enters your life, not willing to stay for long and leaves, his absence doesn’t hurt you. What hurts you most is the time he stole from you. The time he stole from your life.

She stopped reading her heart was pumping so fast, her breathe is getting weak. She bookmarked the page and left the book a side shivered about how Melike and she are just the same. She can feel every word written down there in that mysterious book as if it’s her own storytelling not Melike’s. She went to sleep; that night thoughts never left her she felt for the first time that she is naked. As if she had opened up to someone, words found its way out like a running water no power can stop it from coming out. She was afraid to continue reading Melike’s green book or diary or whatever it’s called. She was afraid from exploring her own self.

To be continued………….

I need no one

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The need of someone or the feeling of the need itself annoys her to the extent. I need no one to control me I need no one to judge me I need no one to tell me what to do or not to do I need no one to help me I need no one to change me I need no one to pity me I need no one to comfort me I need no one to protect me I need no one to believe in me I need no one to explore me I need no one to encourage me I need no one to pamper me.

I just need no one and I will never need a one.
She has already reached the highest level of anger in which she has gone madly and started to repeat these sentences over and over. She need no one but herself she can handle her things on her own without any help from the others all she has is HERSELF only herself. She listens to others while they are present yet she is not listening she is listening to that voice in her ears her own voice “I’m responsible for no one except myself”.  Everyone’s words are meaningless and useless believe and accept no word call it selfishness call it loneliness call it anything it doesn’t matter. All what matters is that she doesn’t need anyone. People actions make her question everything that had happened believe in no one but herself care about no one but herself. She doesn’t have to accept anyone it’s not always about others because others are not important than her. Its awkward she knows but again she can’t help herself from being  that person she is; she had have enough of all those shitty people all those faces she want to slap but she chose to remain silent and watch. It’s not bad to remain silent sometimes silence can be the best action a one can take because silence makes her think positively towards things hence usually silence makes her strangled because she couldn’t reveal the anger inside her she buried it spontaneously she learned to remain silent always and forever. She created that voice inside her that voice that controls both her and precisely her actions towards herself but she is happy she is doing what she wants she needs no one but herself she needs no one to control her; she controls herself she is on her own all alone by her own she is happy you can see it in her insistence; “I just need no one and I will never need a one.”

Her voice will be her friend, her voice will be her mentor, and her voice will be her everything because she needs no one.