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Is Help available for me?

help

A quote by Lou Holtz; it’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.

Lately, there is too much stress to handle, I feel loaded I can’t carry on any load anymore; it’s starting to break and it will fall soon. I’m losing my temper, I don’t have control anymore being nervous all the time is breaking me into pieces; it’s not the stress that is killing it’s my reaction to it. I don’t know how to handle things anymore; I have no patience left even taking a deep breath is hard. I need to plow my anger and my energy into something positive and how is that? Actually I have no idea!

Maybe the last few years of my life was not too fancy; but even throughout all the past years anyone gets to know me, they know very well how cheerful  I am and how positive person I am.  Quite sure I’m a great company; but this is changing and I can’t help it I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I no longer have patience I’m always worried about what’s going to happen and what’s not going to happen; I was a risk person now I’m afraid of taking any step forward; scared of what could happen, always interpreting things into negative ways! Starting to transfer all the negative energy to others and guess what! That’s way too far from me as a person!

I need help yes I’m calling for help; I’m helpless. And I’m sorry for that.

I want to get back to the old me; to that cheerful person who is full of positive energy who is willing to live his life with no limitation. I need to stop being afraid and worried all the time I need to let go things I need to start living.

Am I might be facing a depression? Please tell me no!

Why the hell I’m crying all the time, why I cry for no reason? Recently, my reaction towards anything is just crying and feels a horrible pain inside; I feel stressed towards everything I can’t eliminate my stress at all. I have zero energy for any interesting favorite activities, no patience; sometimes I gain weight sometimes I lose weight nothing is stable. I have insomnia as well and no appetite plus inability to concentrate. Is help available for me?

I know nowadays I have the things I wished for, but why I’m not happy? I’m happy that I have it and I’m thankful for it by why it’s not enough? Why the hell I’m asking these questions! Even though while I’m writing this as a kind or relief I’m crying! You will ask why you are crying.  And I will reply by; I REALLY DON’T KNOW!

Is there any hope for me? Is help available for me? Am I facing depression?

ANSWER ME!

The Day I refused To Say Goodbye to My Mother

The year of coming apart By Michael Petrilli

 

There’s something about losing a mother that is permanent and inexpressible. It’s a wound that will never quite heal. The death of my mother makes me realize that every single moment we spent together; I wasted an opportunity to tell her how much I love her and how much she means to me. Death has separated us very quickly; I didn’t have enough time to tell her how much I love her and how it’s unbearable to live without her. I thought that there are no Goodbyes between us, because it’s too painful and unfair. Although you are too far from here but never far from my heart, have I known one day we will meet and be together again; but until that day comes I want you to know that I will miss you more than any words can be said and I will never stop thinking of you until my time comes. I will always whisper words to God where you might hear me through, but I’m sorry I will never say good bye. I can’t see you anymore, but you are always at my side. I have faith my mother, but it’s my heart that doesn’t because there is no cure for that. God saw you getting so tired and no cure can cure you, he has chosen you for a better mission he has taken you to a better home to rest. With a tearful eyes and broken heart I watched you fading away, and did nothing except crying. It’s a very painful experience and a harsh one yet, I know you are in a better place but it’s me who can’t survive the fact of the non existence of you. I’m not sure exactly how heaven will look like, but I’m sure it’s your best cure my pure mother. The day I refused to say Goodbye to my mother, Outside the grief people may not understand that I didn’t just lose a person at one point in time, I have lost a mother whom I have lost her presence in every aspect of my life my future has changed even my “now”. Goodbyes will never be my type my mother, till we meet again my beloved.