The Day I refused To Say Goodbye to My Mother

The year of coming apart By Michael Petrilli


There’s something about losing a mother that is permanent and inexpressible. It’s a wound that will never quite heal. The death of my mother makes me realize that every single moment we spent together; I wasted an opportunity to tell her how much I love her and how much she means to me. Death has separated us very quickly; I didn’t have enough time to tell her how much I love her and how it’s unbearable to live without her. I thought that there are no Goodbyes between us, because it’s too painful and unfair. Although you are too far from here but never far from my heart, have I known one day we will meet and be together again; but until that day comes I want you to know that I will miss you more than any words can be said and I will never stop thinking of you until my time comes. I will always whisper words to God where you might hear me through, but I’m sorry I will never say good bye. I can’t see you anymore, but you are always at my side. I have faith my mother, but it’s my heart that doesn’t because there is no cure for that. God saw you getting so tired and no cure can cure you, he has chosen you for a better mission he has taken you to a better home to rest. With a tearful eyes and broken heart I watched you fading away, and did nothing except crying. It’s a very painful experience and a harsh one yet, I know you are in a better place but it’s me who can’t survive the fact of the non existence of you. I’m not sure exactly how heaven will look like, but I’m sure it’s your best cure my pure mother. The day I refused to say Goodbye to my mother, Outside the grief people may not understand that I didn’t just lose a person at one point in time, I have lost a mother whom I have lost her presence in every aspect of my life my future has changed even my “now”. Goodbyes will never be my type my mother, till we meet again my beloved.



Train Station


Many people entered her life, some stay others leave. Each one enters her life leaves a place, a memory or a scar. Her life turned to be like a train station, where passengers can get in and out at any time. Just when they reach their requested destination, the train stops and they get out. Through their trip, some don’t stay long as they need to go somewhere else; because simply they haven’t reach their right destination. They have chosen her life; as if they have chosen a place where they can play, destroy, ruin or exploit it as a territory. But it is not a place or destination it’s a life of a human being, who has feelings, fears, questions; a doubtful person who knows nothing about their intentions.

How can people choose a place randomly, out of no where; just crossed their minds to give it a try and stop the train, and let the fun begins. Seriously?  Is it that easy, to enter a life and leave it whenever you want, just because you are done? A human being’s life is not a destination, it is not a place or a rail way where you can regularly stop.

She won’t let anyone else use her or exploit her just to reach their destination, she will no longer hospital who will ever choose her stop, she will start filtering people. Choosing her destination  is not a choice anymore, it’s a request whether you will wait for acceptance or simply you will get an ignorance to your request.

Sometimes, women reach their peak of being “fed up”, and when that time comes; no one can stop them. That’s actually what happened to her, its her time to be fed up, of all the shit that she has gone through, various number of  shitty people who have entered her life lately. She has turned into an unstoppable and uncontrollable train where nothing can stop it, because the brakes are already broken. This train can be named  as an angry train, it will crash anything in front of it because, it has lost control and it has reached its peak.She might pretend that she has it all together, and everything is under control; but it is not. She has already lost control, and the train just started its tour.


Her life has already turned into a train wreck.