thoughts

Happy Moments

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A question crossed my mind after having a quality time, especially a happy moment. The happy moment you have through spending your time with the people you love is priceless, but it only happens in a very short time; maybe just a few seconds. Those seconds are the best time you had during the whole day. Can you imagine? Just few seconds in the 24 hours, those seconds can make you happy the whole day, maybe your whole life. My question is what happens to those moments you were happy in, I mean people change all the time and maybe you are done talking to someone since a while, maybe you just stopped talking to each other without reason. How come? You had previously a happy moment with them; how it can end up this way, you were happy one day with that person, you had the best time with that person, you were laughing till you stomach hurts. My point is you have a collection of happy moments during your life; but at certain moment it vanishes. When you sit alone you think about that moment, that person you were happy with, and rethink about the whole situation; you may smile just because it was a happy moment that you were happy at back then. You will never realize that you are making memories, all you care about back then that you were just having fun and a good time.

You may have a good life with a good collection of happy moments, and you may have a bad life with happy moments that can make you alive through your bad life. In conclusion; stick to those happy moments keep holding them and never let them go. Your happy moments are now your fictional comrade, because your true one has already gone.

 

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Train Station

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Many people entered her life, some stay others leave. Each one enters her life leaves a place, a memory or a scar. Her life turned to be like a train station, where passengers can get in and out at any time. Just when they reach their requested destination, the train stops and they get out. Through their trip, some don’t stay long as they need to go somewhere else; because simply they haven’t reach their right destination. They have chosen her life; as if they have chosen a place where they can play, destroy, ruin or exploit it as a territory. But it is not a place or destination it’s a life of a human being, who has feelings, fears, questions; a doubtful person who knows nothing about their intentions.

How can people choose a place randomly, out of no where; just crossed their minds to give it a try and stop the train, and let the fun begins. Seriously?  Is it that easy, to enter a life and leave it whenever you want, just because you are done? A human being’s life is not a destination, it is not a place or a rail way where you can regularly stop.

She won’t let anyone else use her or exploit her just to reach their destination, she will no longer hospital who will ever choose her stop, she will start filtering people. Choosing her destination  is not a choice anymore, it’s a request whether you will wait for acceptance or simply you will get an ignorance to your request.

Sometimes, women reach their peak of being “fed up”, and when that time comes; no one can stop them. That’s actually what happened to her, its her time to be fed up, of all the shit that she has gone through, various number of  shitty people who have entered her life lately. She has turned into an unstoppable and uncontrollable train where nothing can stop it, because the brakes are already broken. This train can be named  as an angry train, it will crash anything in front of it because, it has lost control and it has reached its peak.She might pretend that she has it all together, and everything is under control; but it is not. She has already lost control, and the train just started its tour.

Congratulations!

Her life has already turned into a train wreck.

The Green Book

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Part one

April 10th. 2015
10:42 AM

Birds tweeting outside her bedroom its 6:00 o’clock in the morning, the alarm rang. She raised her hand to turn it off, and spontaneously reached for her phone to check if she had gotten any messages from him.

Disappointed as usual, she got nothing. She turned off her cell and went to take her morning shower before going to work. She took off her pajamas and got into the shower. After finishing fifteen minutes later, she put on some random clothes, wore her comfortable sneakers and tied her hair in a pony tail. Her day at work continues as normal, a routine, nothing new. She is counting down the hours, minutes until she can finally go back home. The clock strikes 16:00 pm and she leaves the office, stopping at her favorite bookstore before going home to check if there are any new interesting books.

At the bookstore;

“Good evening Madame, it’s your lucky day! Newly arrived books came in today. They are in the back. We didn’t put them on the shelves yet.” said the seller.

“Oh that’s really nice! I was hoping that I could find some new books. Would it be okay if I checked them out?” she replied.

For sure, come this way please. The seller led her to the storage room in the back of the bookstore.

“Here they are! If you need any help, just call me over. I will be at the register.”

“Thank you.” She replied.

She flipped through the first pages of each book, skimming the lines of each chapter but nothing seemed interesting. She puts the books back and turns towards the exit door. At that moment something caught her eye; a green book. It was under the table and seemed to have been dropped by mistake and had gone unnoticed. She bends over to pick it up. It looks like agenda rather than a normal book. The title of the book was written in a strange kind of ink; “The Green Book”.

She wondered what kind of book it was, as she took it in her hands and headed to the seller.

“Excuse me.” She said.

“Yes Madame, Did you find anything interesting in there?” the seller asked.

“Actually yes! I’m wondering who the author of this book is?”

“Can I see it please?” the seller paused for a moment, actually I don’t know. Nothing is written on the cover except for the title! Let me check on the computer.

After searching for a while the seller told her, he couldn’t even find the book in the new arrivals page and it had never been registered into the system.

“Someone probably left it behind, by mistake.” She said.

“Probably yes, But you can borrow it if you want.”

“Okay, I would like that! If someone calls and asks about it, just give them my number.” She said.

“Sure.”

“Thank you so much.” She said as she was leaving.

She arrived home and ate her dinner while watching TV for a while. It was 19:30 pm and he still didn’t call or text her.

Suddenly, her phone started to ring; she eagerly picks up the phone.

“Hello?”

There was no reply.

“Hello? Is anybody there?” she asked again and again.

Nothing. The caller had hung up. She wondered if the caller was him.

She left the phone headed to the kitchen to get something to drink. While heading to the kitchen, her eyes fell on that green book she borrowed at the bookstore earlier that day. She carried the juice; she got from the fridge in one hand and in the other she carried the green book.

Putting the juice on the table beside her, she prepared herself to read. She looks at the book and says; you better be interesting! And she begins to read…

They say one day someone will come and change your whole life. What if it wasn’t someone? What if it was a green book?!

To Be continued……..

I need no one

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The need of someone or the feeling of the need itself annoys her to the extent. I need no one to control me I need no one to judge me I need no one to tell me what to do or not to do I need no one to help me I need no one to change me I need no one to pity me I need no one to comfort me I need no one to protect me I need no one to believe in me I need no one to explore me I need no one to encourage me I need no one to pamper me.

I just need no one and I will never need a one.
She has already reached the highest level of anger in which she has gone madly and started to repeat these sentences over and over. She need no one but herself she can handle her things on her own without any help from the others all she has is HERSELF only herself. She listens to others while they are present yet she is not listening she is listening to that voice in her ears her own voice “I’m responsible for no one except myself”.  Everyone’s words are meaningless and useless believe and accept no word call it selfishness call it loneliness call it anything it doesn’t matter. All what matters is that she doesn’t need anyone. People actions make her question everything that had happened believe in no one but herself care about no one but herself. She doesn’t have to accept anyone it’s not always about others because others are not important than her. Its awkward she knows but again she can’t help herself from being  that person she is; she had have enough of all those shitty people all those faces she want to slap but she chose to remain silent and watch. It’s not bad to remain silent sometimes silence can be the best action a one can take because silence makes her think positively towards things hence usually silence makes her strangled because she couldn’t reveal the anger inside her she buried it spontaneously she learned to remain silent always and forever. She created that voice inside her that voice that controls both her and precisely her actions towards herself but she is happy she is doing what she wants she needs no one but herself she needs no one to control her; she controls herself she is on her own all alone by her own she is happy you can see it in her insistence; “I just need no one and I will never need a one.”

Her voice will be her friend, her voice will be her mentor, and her voice will be her everything because she needs no one.

The Thing about Symbols

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Earlier in the ancient history ancient people innovated their own language that can be named as language of symbols in which each symbol they drew resembles a letter, they created their own language the language of symbols where you can type your name in different shapes. A letter can be written by one or more symbol.  Symbols must resemble something not only letters or words.  The Chinese language also is about symbols, letters are written in squares, lines and different signs no one can understand it except them or people who learned their language.

The Ojibwa the Native American speakers who exists in both United States and Canada had a legend about the origin of what is so called the dream catcher. A dream catcher is another kind of symbols that resembles a protective webs made by mothers and grandmothers to prevent bad dreams from entering. It’s like  a spider web with charms, beads, feathers and arrow heads it’s known that nothing can go through a spider’s web without being stuck and prevented from going through. The dream catchers have the same idea mothers and grandmothers created two spider webs decorated by some feathers and other stuff and called it a dream catcher they hung it on an individual’s bed or a baby’s cradle to catch all of a person’s dreams trapping the bad ones preventing it to go through the dream catcher and make the only good ones pass.

Also Native Americans believes that night air carries both good and bad dreams. The dream catcher is hung on a bed where it swings freely in the air beautifully catches all the dreams good and bad; only the good ones know how to slip and pass through the holes of the web. However some people uses the dream catcher to only decorate their room they have only fall for the part of or the fact of it’s a dream catcher it catches the dreams but not believing it it’s just a catchy name you know? It sounds interesting and fun.

That’s the thing about symbols; symbols might carry meanings, legendaries or storytelling some will be interested to know and some will only fall for the shape of the symbol.

There is another kind of symbols also, the one that is used in encoding this kind of symbols has its own type of people let’s say the freak or the ones who are addicted to technologies and hacking systems and computer issues.  All symbols believed to be loved in one way or another it carries an untold story untold mysteries maybe a hidden universe.

People make their own way through their journeys in life at some period at an unprepared moment they fall for a symbol  by coincidence search for its history make it their own kind of symbol use it almost in everything from the very moment their eyes fell on it.  Use it in accessories, printed tees, shoe, and mobile covers etc. it’s their symbol now.

Uncountable symbol languages everywhere in this world, people love to know how their names will be written in Chinese, Pharaonic,  Turkish, Greek, Russian etc. they even customize their names on a piece of accessory proud of how their names looks nice in those symbols. Again a symbol carries a mystery inside that no one will ever undergo yet it’s a beautiful mystery that doesn’t need to be uncovered. It’s just enough to fall for it loves it and be addicted to it.

The symbol you choose to love or the symbol that chose you somehow it resembles you without noticing and that is the thing about symbols it’s mysterious and the mystery catches you like a dream catcher. Each person in this world has his own kind of symbol whether a cool text sign, pictures or a one he/she invented;  a person with no symbol is like a text without emoticons and that’s the thing about symbols.

Pain demands to be felt

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They say pain demands to be felt and it’s truly true, you will never experience pain unless you feel it crushing your feelings, senses, and brain and mind each part of your body experience pain in a different way.  Pain is known as something bad something that hurts you badly, you can feel pain when you fall from your bike and get yourself hurt you can be in pain when you touch something hot accidently you can feel pain from a paper cut you can feel pain while sewing a piece of cloth even in sex you are in pain. But here is the odd thing about pain that each situation has a different kind of pain in sex you are in pain yet you are enjoying it sometimes there is pleasure in what you are experiencing. This doesn’t mean that pain is beautiful but it is not bad as well. Pain demands to be felt yes pain demands to be felt, we have to see things from a different perspective to look at things from far away because you can’t see things correctly or different when you are close to it for example like hidden objects game when you take a very close look you can’t see the small things but when you go away from a little you will figure out all the detailed and small things that’s how we should deal with everything we experience even pain.

We have to learn how to live with pain how to find pleasure in it more than suffer, tattoos are one of the painful pleasures you bleed from the needle hence it gives you a beautiful  lasting tattoo on your body.  Little pain is good for oneself pain can be endured by how you choose to absorb it and deal with it as a good thing not a bad thing.

Pain can turn you to a different person the more you get pain the more you grow up the more you can handle things differently. Yes it makes you stronger – braver and wiser but first it makes you one of a kind.  Being strong with ignoring pain and deciding never to feel it doesn’t make you a strong person you need to feel, accept and absorb it.

Somehow I see pain and love share some things in between; both demands to be felt both can cause you hurt and both can change you into strong, brave and wise person both are good. I guess pain and love is one thing it’s just written differently.

From a grammar teacher’s point of view pain is considered to be a bad connotation and love is considered to be a good connotation. But from a writer’s point of view they are both good and bad.

Choices

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No longer a human being but a robot, routine kills the positive energy in a person’s life because doing the same thing over and over makes you feel like a robot you have tasks you have to finish it and get another and another. It never stops and makes you an energy sucker. You are no longer a positive person routine is killing you from the inside out.

A person who doesn’t appreciate what he has will neither have a positive energy nor is a positive life it will be hard to live a positive one when a person has a lack of appreciation.

To find happiness you must search for positivism first.

Be a human being not a robot.

I know it’s hard to turn all those negative energy to a positive action but we have to try right?

All those suppressed negative feelings, words, actions; every negative area of your life has to turn to positive and use it as a strong purpose to find your happiness. It’s never too late to change your life, yesterday was bad its OK it’s not the end there is always a way to change. God created us to undergo the good and bad days to fall and stand again to cry to laugh to get hurt and be healed. It’s about time to make a good use of it in a positive way or a negative one it’s your life and your choice. Adam chose to eat from the forbidden tree he made his choice so you can make your own choice but no one else will walk in your life and live your choices you are the one who is going to live it; so before taking any action towards yourself or your life put in mind you will be alone it’s your life it’s your choice!

Negative and positive choices will always exist as good and evil does. Control yourself control your life shape it as you want you are the owner you are the one that is responsible for his/her thoughts, actions and choices.

Blaming circumstances or people is becoming a cliche; it’s a curtain which you created where you can hide behind it blaming the circumstances or the others for what you have underwent but actually it is not true. You chose this life you took this action no one did it for you it’s you!

Every choice has its bad and good effects life is not fair you will never get all the good things all the way but by you standing on your own you can decrease the amount of bad effects in which you will find happiness in some way where you will appreciate the less of goods and appreciate what you have while others doesn’t.

Minimize the negative energy be positive be thankful be a good person with a good intentions of becoming a positive person.

Marionettes

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When you have feelings for someone and he share the same for you it doesn’t mean that you should be in a relationship together. Hence you have strong feelings same as he does but not all relationships based on the stereotyping so called thing “in a relationship”. For some just having feelings without being committed to someone makes them feel free they think that they don’t have to be committed to something.

Things can be much easier when you don’t make promises to someone. Well, it’s ironically true there is nothing to claim that because you have feelings for this someone he has to be in a relationship with you. But we as a different society with different traditions and morals we don’t believe in this; we push each other to the stereotyping so called thing being “in a relationship”.  Having feelings for someone follows the step after which is a must to be in a relationship get engaged then marriage after.

This has to stop we have to believe in that some relationships are not meant to happen or to be completed on the follow list of relationship- engagement- marriage; some relationships has to end at some point to stay as it should be from the beginning. You have feelings I have feelings this is good but nothing else will happen. What should happen is to prevent ourselves from having even those feelings for some or actually precisely some kind of people they don’t deserve the time you waste from your life on them hoping for more or hoping to reach your peak point in the kind of relationship you want. We have to face the ugly truth of which there is that kind of people who doesn’t know what they really want yet they want everything together and that just can’t happen and will never ever happen.

You are not a marionette puppet in someone’s hands you are not designed to be manipulated by whoever is in charge. You are the owner of your life you shape your life as you want you are the manipulative and they are the marionettes.

What’s life?

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What’s life?

How life is so weird? How it can turn upside down in a minute?  Someone can die while the other is born. How can someone’s death can be a turning point in the life of the other. His life can change to the better or someone comes and fills the gap or the disappearance of the dead ones.

Life is ambiguous no one can understands it no matter how hard a one can try.

What’s life? I don’t know what life is there is no quite definition of life, people interpret the meaning of life according to how they live whether a happy life or a sad one. But to come to a conclusion there is no exact definition of life it depends on the lives of people!

Wriiten on 16th of oct, 2014

19:08 pm