silence

I need no one

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The need of someone or the feeling of the need itself annoys her to the extent. I need no one to control me I need no one to judge me I need no one to tell me what to do or not to do I need no one to help me I need no one to change me I need no one to pity me I need no one to comfort me I need no one to protect me I need no one to believe in me I need no one to explore me I need no one to encourage me I need no one to pamper me.

I just need no one and I will never need a one.
She has already reached the highest level of anger in which she has gone madly and started to repeat these sentences over and over. She need no one but herself she can handle her things on her own without any help from the others all she has is HERSELF only herself. She listens to others while they are present yet she is not listening she is listening to that voice in her ears her own voice “I’m responsible for no one except myself”.  Everyone’s words are meaningless and useless believe and accept no word call it selfishness call it loneliness call it anything it doesn’t matter. All what matters is that she doesn’t need anyone. People actions make her question everything that had happened believe in no one but herself care about no one but herself. She doesn’t have to accept anyone it’s not always about others because others are not important than her. Its awkward she knows but again she can’t help herself from being  that person she is; she had have enough of all those shitty people all those faces she want to slap but she chose to remain silent and watch. It’s not bad to remain silent sometimes silence can be the best action a one can take because silence makes her think positively towards things hence usually silence makes her strangled because she couldn’t reveal the anger inside her she buried it spontaneously she learned to remain silent always and forever. She created that voice inside her that voice that controls both her and precisely her actions towards herself but she is happy she is doing what she wants she needs no one but herself she needs no one to control her; she controls herself she is on her own all alone by her own she is happy you can see it in her insistence; “I just need no one and I will never need a one.”

Her voice will be her friend, her voice will be her mentor, and her voice will be her everything because she needs no one.

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The girl with no identity

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Electricity is off silence all over the place. Outside the window she can hear the voice of the passing cars in the streets and the neighbor’s dog barks at the midnight of a Tuesday night where no one else is there except her. She is drowning in her unspoken thoughts picking up a bunch of papers from the table besides her searching for a pen to start writing what she can’t tell. Minutes and hours pass and the ink of her pen drops on the papers and drew a pond.

In that moment, she has already escaped reality and drown deeper in her thoughts. That night she didn’t write anything she didn’t know from where to start. Revealing the suppressed conflicts or the sorrows inside her was a scary idea she can’t express her feelings when she tries to it ends the other way around by being misunderstood or being an enigma. She can’t understand herself sometimes whether she meant to do that or she is trying to hide her feelings. That inner conflict might stem from lack of self confidence. For her she would never be a part of anything she doesn’t belong to anywhere all her life she has been trying to belong to somewhere and it ends up by failing. She knew it from the first day she came to this world she doesn’t belong to anyone or anywhere and she didn’t really care. She is a stranger in this world for some she is a girl with no identity. Somehow that made her feel safer being a mystery to others where no one can enter her world. The only way she can reveal her thoughts is to write and keep writing about the things that frightens her from the world she is living in the one that she doesn’t belong to. She will always remain the girl with no identity who lives in a world that she doesn’t belong to.

And that thought is her safe haven in this world!

Edited on Friday 20th of march
20:30 pm